My Seat Downtown

Going to the library is always a special treat for me; especially when my favorite chair is open. Tucked back in the far corner on the first floor, the location is perfect for not being disturbed. A small coffee shop lies a few yards behind it, giving easy access to quench any surprise thirsts. I can look out to the busy street and watch the car light blur by on a black canvas. It's almost as if they are painting the town. Occasionally, people mosey by. Usually a couple holding hands, steps in sync; or a family busy wrangling the kids.
During the day traffic is the same if not more intense. Everyone is in a hurry- rushing and speeding by. The trees shine brighter and the street glistens from the heat. More people are usually out- everyone from the pack of teenage giggly girls to the single guy with headphones in. Even though the county trail runs just around the corner, I have never seen a dog prance across my wide window view. The windows were not only wide but tall, stretching all the way to the 12 ft ceilings. Exposed beams allow me a partial view. Despite the annoyance this is by far my favorite place to sit downtown.
A.

Lyric Monday!!! 12/17

I really love this song! It makes me feel like dancing, just because Frank doesn't mean I don't. Enjoy and I suggest listening to it on youtube if you get a chance. Sinatra, as always, is amazing. 
A

 

 

I Won't Dance Lyrics  

by Frank Sinatra

I won't dance, don't ask me
I won't dance, don't ask me
I won't dance, Madame, with you
My heart won't let my feet do things that they should do

You know what?, you're lovely
You know what?, you're so lovely
And, oh, what you do to me
I'm like an ocean wave that's bumped on the shore
I feel so absolutely stumped on the floor

When you dance, you're charming and you're gentle
'specially when you do the Continental
But this feeling isn't purely mental
For, heaven rest us, I am not asbestos

And that's why
I won't dance, why should I?
I won't dance, how could I?
I won't dance, merci beaucoup
I know that music leads the way to romance,
So if I hold you in arms I won't dance

I won't dance, don't ask me,
I won't dance, don't ask me
I won't dance, Madame, with you
My heart won't let me feet do things that they want to do

You know what?, you're lovely,
Ring-a-ding-ding, you're lovely
And, oh, what you do to me
I'm like an ocean wave that's bumped on the shore
I feel so absolutely stumped on the floor

When you dance, you're charming and you're gentle
'specially when you do the Continental
But this feeling isn't purely mental
For, heaven rest us, I am not asbestos

and that's why
I won't dance, I won't dance
I won't dance, merci beaucoup
I know that music leads the way to romance
So if I hold you in arms I won't dance!!

Another Makeup for Lyric Monday (12/9)

This Monday is inspired by my desire to still tell this man how I feel, but waiting for just the right moment. It seems very classless of me to tell him right before the holidays. Holidays are for family. I want him to focus on them, and me telling him how I feel would more than likely distract him from what is really important this time of year. Still I can't help but wonder if waiting is the right thing...
A


What Hurts the Most
By: Rascal Flats     


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

I am not a smoker?

Whenever people ask if I'm a smoker I always give a prompt no. But the truth is I am. One or two about every three months and only on a day where I just can't seem to handle anything else. This time it was my family. They ignore me so well, that at times I wonder if I'm already dead, and I am only a mere left over portion of a girl who once was I had just needed one person to acknowledge me. One person, removed from the situation,  who could talk to me as I cried silently on the phone. But as I sat on the cold, front step outside the double doors of our classic 70s, Californian home I realized that when it comes down to it, all we have is ourselves. I was the only person I could always depend on to be there at 10pm on a Friday night to get me through till morning. That was the first night I started to truly love myself, flaws and all.

Make up for Lyric Monday

Let Her Go
By: Passenger

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch, oh it dies

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep




I love this song because it has given me a new outlook on life. Not everything is bad in life. The only reason we recognize the bad is because we have had good. Also the few lines about about dreams and love coming and going so fast. It's true. They come and the go. Only true love and only true dreams stay forever. What sucks is that most people don't follow their heart. So we are left with a bunch of bitter people in the world. And they eat at us. They couldn't have their dreams... They gave them up. But we can have ours. I can have mine. And I am going to fight for them with every breath. I know there will be hard times. But after this song... The hard times make me thankful. Thankful for the good times I've had to compare them too.

I Just Want to Scream and Shout!

Sometimes I can't stand all the crazy stuff going on in my life. What is worse, is that I know it could be so much worse than what it is now. I've been in worse but sometimes I just want to scream at everyone.
The guy I wrote that poem about... He is older than me by quite a bit. I like him. I don't want to but I do. He is smart, creative, talented, funny, a perfect gentleman, and he is handsome. But I don't think we could have a future. I don't think he would want one with someone as young as me. I know he wants to be friends... But being friends is difficult sometimes especially when I look at him in his beautiful green eyes and wish he would just pull me close.
His eyes are amazing! They are so full of passion. He tells me his is run down by life. But I can see in his eyes so much passion. I know he has so much to offer to this world still. I just don't think he knows it.
We talked the other night about everything from politics to religion and ex's and sex. I think I may have turned him on a little, which kudos to me!
I know he is older than me. And that makes things difficult. But if he was younger, he would be different. And I like him the way he is. He knows so much about so much. I don't talk much around him, which is strange for me. I feel comfortable around him and nervous at the same time. I want to jump his bones but restrain myself. I feel butterflies and passion but also a connection on a mental level. He has already taught me so much about music, particularly jazz. Ugh, I am starting to ramble. I just needed to vent some of these thoughts. They were beginning to overwhelm me.

Other news: My blog is now going to have a lyric Monday. My favorite lyrics or some that have spoken to me that week. I'll be sure to post some for this week since I didn't do any this past Monday.

xoxo

The Places the Heart Will Wander...

The heart wanders
into desserts and into storms.
But through the rough
Is when true love forms.
The moment two touch
For the first time.
Is like fireworks
In a cloudless sky.
Emotions run rapid
Coursing through my veins
And all I can think
Is when will I see him again.
Tomorrow it seems
Is so far away
Why couldn't it last forever
This wonder filled day?
The moment two touch
For the first time
Hands interlocked
And minds in rhyme.
I look at his hands
So beautiful and strong.
I want him to wrap me in his arms
And hold me tight all night long.
Oh the places the heart will wander
Drifting to and fro
Holding all emotions back
Until it's safe to go.
The first moment we touch
Your hand in mine.
Your heart wanders to me
And has frozen time.