Fullfillment

so full
so tired
so angry
so torn
between her desires
wants to purge
wants to cut
wants to starve
wants to please everyone else
which one will she choose
ate some food
ate some more
ate her heart out
ate every last bite
now she wants to purge
can't purge
can't cut
can't starve
can't please herself when she tries to please them
what will she do?
purges the food
                 to make herself feel light
cuts deeper than ever
                 to dull the pain at night
starves herself
                 from then on
pleases herself and everyone else
                 by hiding what's really going on

xoxo
PDIF

Ammends

I don't have the courage
to face him yet again
to willingly break my heart
in order to make ammends.
I know I love him
I know I shouldn't
but to say goodbye forever
I absolutely couldn't.
I gave him my heart
he ripped it apart
I did the same to him.
if only we could go back to the the start
of when all this began
when our hearts still beat
but would we fix it
or would things just repeat.
I want to be with him
to have and to hold
but how can I love him
when his heart is now cold.
I dream about his face
I dream about his lips
I dream how he has slipped
from my desperate flailing grips.
I don't know
if I can escape these thoughts
so until I do
my heart will sit here and rot.
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
I'm sorry that we couldn't
make ammends.

xoxo

One Day

How do you tell someone you love them
When you don't want them to know?
How do you make them see the truth
When they will only see lies?
I will reach out
knowing he will hurt me
but I love him so much
why won't he believe.

We might not be meant for one another
But when push comes to shove
and he, no longer living with animosity
shall yet one day learn to love.

xoxo

Thin Drugs

heavy chests
outta control
sleepless nights
she's on a roll
rivers of tears
shaking fingers
counting calories
as the guilt lingers
an average girl
and average waist
would purge from
even a single taste
this average girl
starving for perfection
cries at night
when she sees her reflection
all hope is lost
replaced by mutilation
it's like a drug
this beautiful thinspiration

Just Another Ugly Girl

Just another ugly girl
In a beautiful thinner world
Just another ugly girl
In a perfect world.

She's scared and she's lonely
Bleeding and broken
Starving to fit in
With the perfect world

Just another ugly girl
In a beautiful thinner world
Just another ugly girl
In a perfect world.

The doctors tell her
She is normal
But normal is not perfect
So she starves on

Just another ugly girl
In a beautiful thinner world
Just another ugly girl
In a perfect world.

Just another dying girl
In a beautiful thinner world
Just another dying girl
In a perfect world.

Just one moment left to live
Her heart slows and her chest falls
And wither dying breath she says
Now I am beautiful in my world.